I am amazed at how quickly I have recovered from my early dark days. Perhaps things may change for the worse but for now life is this amazing journey. I have been out socially, taken adventures on my own and not given it a second thought. Gone are the days of self-doubt, I have had my moments but nothing that isn’t dealt with easily or dare I say forgotten quickly.
Is it really this easy? Doubtful but for now I am free! I can engage people in conversation now without spending time second guessing myself. I think I have properly done this for years until it became all-consuming negative thought and self-criticism process. I must have spent hundreds of hours needlessly wasting my time particularly while driving, now journeys are spent listening to music or other entertainment on the radio.
I was supposed to go to a barbecue this evening and thought no! I am tired and I want to relax on my own. I joined a friend for lunch arrived home and just spent the afternoon reading sat beside a river near my home. I can finally own the fact that I don’t have to entertain others or worry needlessly that I would offend them by not attending. I am in control of what I want to do without feeling the need to “please others” instead I sat there enjoying my surroundings. I’m now indoors and happy just happy… influenced by medication likely, secretly I would like to think that I too am influencing better experiences for myself.
I seem to have a better outlook; no, I think that is the wrong use of words it’s more like I am restoring some order to my life. Cracking jokes, sharing experiences making plans… it is contentment. I am happy and appreciate what my life has become. Life is beautiful! Is this what inner peace looks like?